Yikes

I was In Hawaii last week. Got a terrible cold and sinus infection. I was laying in bed this past Monday and Tuesday trying to get over it. Hmm... It's been days and I am still feeling pretty lousy.

As I lay there half alive watching TV I saw the promo that I was going to be on Oprah this next Monday!

Yikes! I think to myself. IT'S REALLY HAPPENING! I BETTER GET IT TOGETHER AND START MAKING MY WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY!

I call the doctor.

The doctor said, "Don't fly".

I get on the plane to LA.

I land.

My ear is clogged... Okay, It's REALLY uncomfortable but I will give it a few hours....... I think.

A day later, I'm deaf in my right ear, completely clogged.

I call the doctor.

He says, "this happened because you flew. "

"BUT I GOTTA GO TO NEW YORK TOMORROW", I say.

He laughs....."you get in here ASAP or you're not going anywhere!"

I go in.

He looks up my nose and says.."hmm".

He looks in my clogged ear and says... "Not a pretty sight in there at all... You have a cold in your ear. There's fluid behind your eardrum and there's inflammation, if you fly your eardrum could rupture."

"BUT I HAVE HAVE TO FLY AND SING A LITTLE BIT AND NOT BE DEAF ANYMORE!" I say.

He takes an instrument that blows air and sticks it in my nose, blows the air in while he makes me take a sip of water at the same time. OUCH! FUCKER! POP AND CRACK...... WOW........ "Jesus! What the hell was that?" I say.

"Your ear opened up." He said.

"If it closes again before tomorrow's flight I will need to do a minor surgery before you get on the plane in the morning."

He continues.............. "I will need to poke a hole in your ear drum with a needle with a local anesthesia so the cabin pressure doesn't affect it"

"FUCKING YIKES!" I say.

My ear closed again, I didn't sleep, I went in the next morning, he did the deed and if he didn't I wouldn't be in New York right now to tell you this maybe mildly amusing tale. Or not.

I am so happy to be here, happy to be on the show tomorrow and happy happy happy I will get to see some of you there as well!!!!

Bye for now..... I need to continue leading my glamorous life.. I'm off to get my nose vacuumed. :)

~LMP

P.S. Actually this story IS meant to be comical, It's okay to not take it seriously.